2 months later...

Wow! Time flies by so fast when you are busy. The craziness of the first weeks in a new country are long gone... I have a rutine now: work-home and repeat. I got accustomed to the people, language and places. I just wish I had more time for myself. I am either busy or tired and always on the run. But hopefully this hectic schedule will change next month when I move. I will be living closer to my workplace and I will have time for myself (Yes!).
Looking back over these months that have passed I can't help but think that time on Earth is flying with an outer space speed. I can't remember what I did, execept the same routine over and over again: Week of work and looking forward for the weekend to sleep. But enaugh with the complaints. Why was I MIA for so long? Well... The other day I remembered I started a blog and totally forgot about it. So I downloaded this app that allows me to write my posts on the phone (why didn't I do this sooner?). So I hope that now I get to write a little bit of something everyday.
For now I leave you with something I really miss (didn't have one today :( ) :

Sleep...

   I never thought that I would end up loving my job as much as I do. It's only been a week, but I loved everything about it, even my clumsiness (yes, I've done some stupid things, but I have an excuse: I'm new). The fact that I love my job so much it's what gets me out of my bed every day at 5 am. I live very far from where I work and I get home very very late at night. I get 4-5 hours of sleep and then I'm up again. 5 am every morning. And I'm not a morning person, I'm the kind that likes to sleep 8-10 hours (even 12 sometimes, yeas, I know). All I can think about is sleep. I've been so tired this past week, like I never was in my life.The job isn't tiring, but this crazy schedule is. So I am so happy that it's Saturday and I got to sleep like a normal person today. And I plan on doing nothing all day long.

'So shut your eyes,
Kiss me goodbye,
And sleep.
Just sleep.'

(My Chemical Romance - Sleep)

It's alright...

   I've started work almost a week ago and I was terrified. I had no idea what to expect and all this fear was building up inside me. But now, after less than a week I can say I'm satisfied. Of course, it's difficult at the begining because you have to get used to everything, the location, coworkers and you need to get the hang of things. But thank God I have great coworkers, they helped me a lot and I'm so thankful. I hope all will continue to go well and I can get more and more familiar with everything. 

'Give it all and ask no return
And very soon you'll see and you'll begin to learn
That's it's alright, yes it's alright'

(Black Sabbath - It's alright)

One week...

    I can't believe it's been a week since I landed here. Last week I felt so lost, I thought I will never recover, I was sure that that the sadness won't go away. But now I'm a little bit better, I got accustomed to the fact that I will not go back home for a while. Now what I mostly feel is scared, because tomorrow it's my first day at a potential job. I'm so scared I will suck at it and I will disappoint everyone who trusts me. I'm scared I won't like it, I'm scared they won't like me...there are a lot of things I'm scared about. But as always I hope for the best and pray to God that everything will be alright. 

   Keeping my fingers crossed!

 'It's been one week since you looked at me...' 

(Barenaked Ladies - One Week)

I wish upon a star...

   I'm pretty much staying at home these days and let me tell you, it's boring. For a person who likes to be alone, I get extremely bored. I'm pacing around the house in order to find something to do. I always end up in front of the computer, reading, watching movies or chatting with people at home.

   It's strange, there is mixture of things going on inside me, like fear of failure, loneliness, sadness, but also peace and optimism. I was writing on twitter the other day that I'm not an optimist, but a 'hoper'. I always hope things will get better, and hoping has helped me so many times before. I don't know what the future has in store for me, but does anybody know? If you do, share the recipe of finding out your future (no tarot cards or witches involved). I just wish I had a job already, have my own money in order to find out how things work in this country and to be on my own. Also, I'm praying really hard that everything goes on well and I can help my family back home who has made some major financial sacrifices for me. And I hope I can bring my best friend here, so I won't be so lonely.


'If i could wish upon a star
Then i would hold you in my arms...'

(Samantha Mumba - Wish Upon A Star)

All alone in a big house...

   After my arrival, I had to stay somewhere, of course. My lovely cousins brought me to their house and offered me a roof over my head. They are lovely, and they don't know what to do to me to make me feel fine. But they have jobs they had to go to, so here I am, on a Friday all alone in their house, with just the tv to keep me company. And I will have to endure this loneliness until Sunday, when they return from work. I like being alone, I always looked for some time away from the craziness, some 'me' time. But alone time at this moment means giving my thoughts and feelings permission to take over me, to bring me down, to smash me. I wish I could go for a walk, but I'm afraid that if I leave the house I won't find my way back and I will be lost forever (haha). I miss my walks with my friends and going in the park with them... soon, soon it will all happen again. Time flies so quickly, I will be back home in a blink of an eye...

  'Lonely, I'm Mrs Lonely, I have nobody, For my own...'

(Akon - Lonely) 

Where the journey begins...

   I always wanted to keep a diary, but I considered that I had nothing interesting to write in it, that my life was boring and also that I have no talent at composition what so ever. None! But now, as my life takes a major turn, I decided to start a blog and pour my thoughts in it. Because I moved to a different country two days ago I want to document everything. The process of adaptation, finding a job, getting more familiar with the language and culture, thoughts and feelings, everything will be right here. So let me start with the beginning.

   I've decided to leave my home country and move to a different one, a better one people would say. More opportunities, more jobs, more money, but less family and friends. I've been thinking about making the move for some time now, but a few weeks ago everything became real. I was leaving, there was no turning back. And I was blaming my country for making me leave. A thousand questions rushed through my head: Why do I have to leave? Why can't I find a job here? Why did I study all these years? Where would I go now? What would I do? It's impossible to describe everything I felt, but I'm sure that others have felt the same way. Living in an Eastern European country where life handles you only lemons and you can't find the water and honey to make lemonade made a lot of people go and look for something a little bit sweeter. Every day I heard that someone I knew had left for Italy, Spain, Canada, Australia and other countries. But I never thought that I would be one of them until three years ago when I lived in London for three months and I saw how life can be. It was then that I somehow knew that I would end up in a different country than my own, that maybe I would build a life and a career there.

   The day I left my home was devastating. It was only then that I realized what I was doing. I was really leaving, everything packed up, my whole life in a little suitcase. I was leaving everything behind, places I loved, family, friends, even insignificant little objects that I will miss. I cried, I cried my heart out, sobbed... it was hard. Did I really want to leave?

   So I got on a plane a landed in a different country, different culture, different people. The first thing that came to my mind when I got off the plane was: 'I want to go home' and that thought kept climbing back in my mind every minute. I wanted to go home so badly, to hug my family, to run the streets I knew, to see familiar faces...but no, I couldn't. I was stuck here for an undetermined period of time (six months tops and I'm going back - that's what I'm thinking even as I write this). I deceive myself by telling me that everything will be ok, that time heals everything, that time goes by fast and I will be back home sooner than I thought, that I will bring my best friend here once I get a proper job, but my heart still feels the pain. I can't talk on the phone with the people back home without feeling a lump in my throat and tears flooding my eyes.Images of  my house, of the park near my home, of my friends keep coming back to mind along with the words 'This time last week you were here. Don't you wish you go back to that?' Oh, I do, I really do.

   I will end my first post here, because everything I tried to repress for the past day is coming back. I will end this with some lyrics which describe my feelings perfectly:

  'I wish that you were here with me

    But we're stuck where we are

    And it's so hard, you're so far

    This long distance is killing me'.

(Bruno Mars - Long distance)



P.S.: When I read this post again, in 6 months or a year, I hope I will be happy and accustomed with everything. Or back home, why not.